What is crossing the boundary when you are single? We have been talking about the great bits of being single, the freedom of it and the tendency of people to assume one requires “romantic love” in order to survive. However, when one is single and casually dating, what is it that limits their freedom?
What is crossing the boundary when you are single?
Even though single people don’t have to answer to anyone, say the person they are getting with do? What if a single girl is with a not-so-single boy? Who then, should get to decide what is crossing the boundary and how much responsibility the single girl should be taking.
While talking to a variety of women, a lot of the similar thoughts came forward, stating it’s not the girl’s fault. However, if a girl knows a guy is in a relationship then the responsibility somewhat shifts. No answer here is either correct or incorrect. It is mainly a matter of approaches to relationships, personal boundaries and the perception of what is right and wrong. What we did notice is a limited amount of people mentioning “happiness” as a big factor in any relationship. Why is it that happiness falls so down the priority list when a single girl doesn’t comply to the norms society has created?
When you are in a relationship it is two different people that define exactly what makes the rights and what makes the wrongs.
For many relationships, things such as texting sexually, receiving sexual pictures and leading somebody on formed a boundary. Whereas elsewhere, some couples consider only the physical sexual contact one that is a limit. It is all about trust in relationships. But in a world where actions are defined more by emotions than hookups, how can is trust really broken? And where does happiness fit into the picture, better yet where does the “single girl” stand?
As a single girl, is it wrong to ignore the connection between two people just because it’s none of our business? Is it okay to have sex with whoever we want, whenever we want? Is it really important to care about a person’s emotions who does not actually exist in your life? We all know the society will always point fingers at the single girl in the case of the break-up. When in truth, it is not the responsibility of the single girl to protect a relationship she is most definitely not part of.
Shouldn’t a single girl only be focused on her happiness?
In this community where mostly everything is black and white, why do we fail to see the shades of grey? And why is it that we fail to understand what is crossing the boundary? The truth is, in a real scenario, the person who is not part of the relationship has no boundaries. A single girl can do whatever pleases her will. As a single girl, it shouldn’t be incorrect to pursue love or a possible connection, even with someone who is taken. But one should be able to understand what their boundaries could be in a separate situation. Although you might enjoy the singlehood, you might despise being the girl in the relationship whose partner is possibly creating a different connection.
Therefore, maybe making boundaries are not thinking that one has to stick up for somebody’s relationship or respect a commitment. Rather, thinking about what our boundaries would be on the other side of the table. At the end of the day, we are all humans wanting to experience emotions and come into connection with others. Sometimes these connections will last and sometimes they won’t. However, it is not a single girls responsibility to put up a brick wall every time something good comes along only because it is taken. But the single girl should know what she would expect if she was the girlfriend.
Because it’s not about putting on other shoes but really understanding what the same shoes feel like on different sands.
Many people will still not be comfortable with the concept of accepting that the “other woman” is really, only a woman trying to experience love and connections. Opinions will always transcend on distinct manners from separate people. But, one must never try to enforce their beliefs, values, and boundaries onto others. What is crossing the boundary then will be considered a different spectrum of knowledge; to each their own.
People, like the single women out there, deserve the freedom to choose their freedom.
So go live your life, the way it feels right to you.
XoXo Queen X.