It’s the New Year and we are all in a Queen mode. We all want to do the “New Year, New Me.” trend or the ever more recent “New Year, Old Me.” Nonetheless, whichever trend you might have selected, chances are you have probably mentioned staying away from “toxic people” in it. “Toxic” as a word has become quite common lately, right? But usually, we hear of it in terms of other people, it is such a foreign word, that we do not ever wish to be associated with. But, here is the inevitable truth: at some point, we have all been the toxic person. So, in this New Year trend, maybe rather than changing the external, change the internal. Maybe it is time you learn how to stop being toxic and start stepping into the best version of you.

The truth is our hidden traumas can make us do awful things. Sometimes we don’t even realize we are being the person we want to avoid. But how do you even know if you are being toxic? Well, you can start by analyzing situations and relationships that are going out the door, if it’s happening often, maybe you are the problem. But that doesn’t mean you cannot change and are doomed for life, through consistent effort you can become the best version of you, so Queen are you ready to learn how to stop being toxic?

Disclaimer: we don’t want you to blame yourself. No, we want you to be more mindful of situations and introspect. DO NOT beat yourself up for it, what you really need to do is get out of the situations you’ve created for yourself, and step into your most vibrant self.

How To Stop Being Toxic and Start Stepping Into The Best Version Of You.

1. Introspect

We need to know ourselves better than anyone else. It’s the start of the year, so you are in the universal time of introspection. But remember, don’t just introspect on New Year, you should consistently check yourself. Talk to yourself weekly, think of the good things that happened and the things that stressed you out. Did you get into an argument? Why? Were you the toxic person who could not let it go? Did you make a big fuss? If that’s you, then take a minute to reflect on the type of person you want to be, how would that person handle the situation differently? Conversely, if it’s clear that someone in your life is causing repeated stress – TOXIC – you need to keep your distance. Do not allow anyone to stop you from stepping into the best version of you.

2. Take note of repeated behavior

Do you have the habit of repeatedly insisting people on doing things? Or maybe you repeatedly expect people to drop everything to give you attention. Truthfully, there are many repeated behaviors that can be toxic and you will have to self-evaluate and be honest with yourself to recognize and accept such behavior. When you are insistent, for example, it might only be slightly noticeable and maybe you think you are persuasive, but you have to recognize that you are not listening to your peers. On the other hand, if you are insistent on getting your way and get a temper when you don’t, this might be hinting to something bigger. You could be suffering from anger management or trust issues. And here’s the thing, people love you but that does not mean they should have to deal with your issues, especially if it negatively affects their life. If you truly care about the people in your life, go get help. Some of us have smaller toxic traits that we can apologize for and work for on our own, but some others might have deeply hidden wounds that would require professional help.

3. APOLOGIZE – Recognition of behavior

When you notice what you are doing, the way your behavior is influencing someone – apologize right away. Then, distance yourself until you start being the best version of you. Know that the person doesn’t owe it to you to wait for you, so be patient and do this for yourself. Quick note, sometimes apologizing is a toxic trait. A lot of times apologizing is simply a way to keep people in a situation. Not only is that toxic, but it’s also selfish and unjust. Apologize for that selfishness and walk away. But don’t just cut people off, provide them with a choice. Tell your loved ones that you are on a journey to self-improvement. In contrast, you might not get forgiveness, accept that. I don’t remember where I read this but, “we’re all monsters in someone’s story”. Know that you can’t please everyone and strive to be the best version of yourself.

4. LEAVE THE SITUATION

Yes, I am screaming at you, Queen. Just as you have the right to walk away from toxic people and situations, people have the right to walk away from you – without explanation. Additionally, a big step of “how to stop being toxic” is recognizing your responsibility. Some people cannot let go, do not misuse their weaknesses. As mentioned previously, don’t cut people off because ultimately they have a choice as well. However, take responsibility and leave the situation when you can. Trust me, it’s better for both parties involved. Maybe when you aren’t consumed by your own toxic behavior you can return, but please – realize that some situations and people will not want you back, and that’s okay. It’s just space that will allow you to find new people and better outcomes.

5. Get help

We at She TheQueen are strong believers in therapy. It’s essential to get help if you need it. Although, if we are being honest – we feel that everyone needs a bit of therapy. Nonetheless, when you recognize that your toxic behavior is hinting at something deeper, you need to take charge. You should go get professional help, especially if it is readily available to you. Speak to your loved ones about it too, but remember that everyone has a lot on their plate. Thus, don’t expect them to be your psychologists. They cannot make your problems go away, you are the only one who can do that and professional help will guide you. You are not destined to pain and to remain toxic, you can change everything in life if you really want to. Know your power, after all, you are a Queen, right?

So, start off your New Year right, and change the internal by learning how to stop being toxic. Tag us in your journeys and know you are not alone as you are stepping into the best version of you.

XoXo TheQueen.